We always thought I'd grow out of this
Yet I stand here in the same thin frame
Haven't grown since I was 18.
I'm Terrified of ever letting go
It's awkward sense of self I run always the nervous one
No matter how many times I do this
Anxiety builds in my veins
The outcome always stays the same
I remain in the same exact place
I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of tears
Theres no triggers that seem to appear
when I make the slightest interaction It's like this feeling rushes up inside then disappears
Taking everything day by day short sighted means to end
Now past wake up call lies before me as the corpse of missed opportunity
a dispise in every sunrise and a regret in every sunset.
For all the things I'm thankful for it's not what comes to mind
when I feel the need to write my temporised thoughts to calm the rising tide.
Theres no part of me resenting all the life that I have kept holiding those around me like a coaster to the bottom of a bottomless pint glass
Sometimes I feel the past calling me.
I can see for the first time my life laid out before me,
it's as predictable as it's always been I can stop pretending to myself I'm different regardless of every step in the opposite direction this going to end the same way as everyone before me and now I know my own normality its highlights my mortality and it feels like every year is getting shorter
we hold close to bad routines
finally buy the things we need
work ourselves til nearly death
and have ceremonys inbetween.
Why wont anybody listen why does no one seem to care what life is left for us that shines past this despair.

Theres nothing that I think we can fight about
Theres no hurt between us
our chemistry
if we both grow old and I get more boring than I already am I hope you dont mind.
Lifes starting to feel like an adventure not a cage
open universe with your name only engraved
The friends that remain both in wealth or on the brew
Surviving victims of this svengali class milieu
This course has never been to brighter shores but battered through
My cynical mind my constant negative outlook
I can't hold this course much longer I know you're tired of it I'm tired too so frustrated and bored.